In recent years it has become increasingly popular for cell phones to be used for malicious actions like bomb detonators. A group of inmates in a Parisian jail even used their smuggled-in cell phones to successfully coordinate an escape. These actions are scary and worrisome at best, so I decided to develop some new, more positive uses for cell phones. Read on to see all those things your little, unassuming cell phone may be able to do for you in the future!
Your Cell Phone can do WHAT?!
Vacation:
Virtual Nanny - You’refinally taking that vacation of a lifetime! You’re with the love of your life, in the perfect local. The scenery is breathtaking, the food is mouthwatering, but your rug rats get it the way of it all. Never fear, you bought “Virtual Nanny” for your new phone. With “Virtual Nanny”, all you have to do is remove all dangerous objects from a 6′x6′ area of the room. Place your phone in the middle of this area, have your kids stand next to the phone, and text the message “virtual nanny on” from another phone. “Virtual Nanny” goes to work instantly! It tells stories, sings songs, and most importantly, it creates a boundary around the 6′x6′ area and if your kids try to leave, it shocks them! Not to worry, it wont hurt them, just knock them out for a few hours. Virtual Nanny is the perfect accessory to bring on any vacation!
“Vacation from the kids? Don’t leave them with granny. Instead use our all new “Virtual Nanny”"
*Note, do not leave kids w/ Virtual Nanny for more than 10 days at a time.
Happy Temp Cell Phone - Didn’t realize ice-fishing could be so cold? Or for that matter, camping in the desert could be so hot? Not to worry, with our “Happy Temp Cell Phone” you will always be the right temperature! Just set your phone to the temp you most prefer and it will automatically heat up or cool down any 6′ x 6′ area! No more feeling hot or cold, just feel perfect, all the time!
“Don’t put your vacation on hold, use our new “Happy Temp Cell Phone” and you’ll never feel hot or cold.”
Home:
Garage Opener Cell Phone - You’ve spent the whole day at your mother-n-law’s. You’re tired and hungry, it’s raining outside, the kids are screaming, and when you finally get home you reach down to grab your garage door opener, and it’s gone!!! Thank goodness you invested your money in the new “Garage Opener Cell Phone.” Now you can open that garage, and go inside for a long, relaxing end to your stressful day!!
“Don’t be stuck hopen your garage door will open. Buy our “Garage Opener Cell Phone” so we wont have to hear you moan!”
All-In-One Phone / T.V. Remote - You have a bad cold. You’re home alone and decided to camp out on the couch for the day. You want to drain your sorrows in some reality T.V., but you can’t find the remote anywhere! You looked all over the house (even in the fridge), to no avail. Lucky for you, you bought the “All-In-One Phone / T.V. Remote.” Now you can happily browse through stations from the comfort of your couch, and even make calls at the same time! Now if only it could make you some hot chicken noodle soup!
“If you’re stuck on the couch and have a sore throat, reach for the “All-In-One Phone / T.V. Remote!”
Office:
Loudspeaker Cell Phone - Are you tired of sending out boring memos that no one really reads anyway? With the new “Loudspeaker Cell Phone” a flip of a switch and your cell phone turns into, you guessed it, a loudspeaker! Don’t waste time and, for that matter, trees on printing memos. Instead just announce your memos so everyone can hear, all at once. New headings required on all w640 reports?? No problem! The whole office will know in seconds! Steve Johnson in Admin says he didn’t get the memo, once again? This time you know he did, fire his ass!!
Use our new “Loudspeaker Cell Phone” today, and all your work worries are just a switch away!!
Lights Out Cell Phone - Did you forget your sales report at home? Are you supposed to meet with the Takanaga’s and don’t even know the product you’re trying to sell them? Do you simply want to get out of the office early to watch the game? Don’t worry! Use our “Lights Out Cell Phone” and get out of any jam at work! This all new product sends a signal directly to the fuse box and cuts out all electricity for up to 5 hours. There’s no way your boss will expect you to work in the dark! Just inconspicuously dial the numbers lights out, or 544-487-688, hit “send” and the electricity in your building will be cut for up to 5 hours of fun-time!
“In trouble at work and full of doubt? Get in good with the boss, with “Lights Out!”"
*Note, not for use in hospitals, airports, or other potentially life-threatening locations.
All these features will drain battery power, so be sure to check out http://www.batteries4less.com for all your cell phone battery needs!
